And like lightning from the sky there was a great crackling noise, and suddenly, standing before you was the Blogger. Do you run? Do you have time to hide? Or do you stand there slack jawed in amazement as you panic in a wild attempt to do all three at once? For when he returns none shall be prepared.” – The Book of the Blogger 5:17
Okay, so I was rudely awakened this morning by the sound of an alarm clock and gunfire.
Now before you say “Murphy! You need to pack your stuff and get out of there!” I ought to explain the normal summer routine of the neighborhood kids. You see, since the beginning of the summer they have all been into buying airsoft pellet guns. Anything from the smallest pop pistol to the loudest belt feed turret machine gun. So on this day, unbeknownst to me in advance, they had a “Battle at dawn”. They were walking around, all padded up from head to their toes and wearing goggles for protection while it was eighty seven degrees out…
“Now thats all nice and funny, but what does this have to do with your return, Murphy?” you might wonder. Well I’ll tell you simply. After my initial waking up I realized it was hot. It was really, really hot. I tried to use the laptop fan to cool off…needless to say, that was a bad idea. After getting a ice pack for my face, I laid down and decided on telling people how wonderful my day has been going.
Based on everything I’d heard about Twilight, including a basic synopsis sprinkled with some finer details (like the sparkling), I could only assume that Stephanie Meyer was yet another author who managed to squeeze out a literary turd and somehow convince a publisher that it was solid gold. Still, I had never read the book(s), only skimmed them and read a paragraph here and there, so it didn’t seem fair to criticize this alleged turd without sifting through it.
I was right. It’s a piece of shit. And here’s why.
You Don’t Fuck With Folklore: Granted, there are countless variations when it comes to vampire myth, from their powers to their weaknesses…but there are some things that shouldn’t be changed, because they completely detract from the myth itself. Vampires are, across the board, creatures of the night. Now Miss Meyer tells her faithful readers, ‘Nope! They can, like, totally come…
Well, I just think that perhaps she’s the one who keeps him, the King, going on. The Lionheart, the bravery that keeps him from cowering away… is he one thing that keeps him going and holds him up, her love is what keeps him going, that makes him brave, strong, a King…. She’s what he needs to be the King, his heart, his bravery, his strength, his love, none of it would be there without her… she’s always behind him whatever he does she’s always there to catch his fall, always there to keep him up and keep him strong, always there to save him, help him, keep him safe from himself.
So, I’m back. Contrary to rumors that I died of heartbreak I’m glad to inform you that I was only maimed. Since then I have been through a lot of ups and downs in life. Such as finding a twenty dollar bill in a shirt at Goodwill but then finding out that it was the old mans shirt from the changing room next to me… So needless to say, my life was about as steady as a teeter-totter. One day school is good another day it pours rain and I feel like I’m drowning in it. Well, you get the point anyway.
I might get to see my crush that I’ve had for four years on Saturday. The down side to that is that I’ll be skipping a math class and losing about sixty bucks to do it. This is one of those times that I dislike the feelings I have. It would be so easy to just not go see her, however i don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t. God, why does she mean so much to me? Why do I feel the need to be, not just to impress her, but to actually be a better person? It scares me. I’m only nineteen! What did I do to deserve this? However as afraid as I am, I wouldn’t want to be with out her in my life for all the stars in the night sky or the sun in the morning.
I don’t have money for coffee to keep me awake.
I’m going to fall asleep at any time, I can see it.
Happy Thanksgiving! (Okay. Yeah, I know it’s Sunday now but I just hadn’t had a chance to tell you.)
Anyway, if you’re still around reading this now that means you have successfully battled off your food comas and have control over at least a couple of your limbs. But I’m glad that you guys still read my blog every now and then, considering the ever widening substantial expanse of time between my posts.